


Kill The Lights (And Kiss My Eyes)

by ohstardustgirl



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Oh no there's only one bed, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Smut, and we're soaked from the rain, bed sharing, smut with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 08:19:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11055027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardustgirl/pseuds/ohstardustgirl
Summary: Jyn and Cassian's first mission alone together doesn't quite go to plan, and stranded on a planet there is nowhere to hide from each other.She wants to chase the raindrops with her tongue, follow them down below his shirt.





	Kill The Lights (And Kiss My Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to @incognitajones for the beta!
> 
> Title is from Hozier's _To Be Alone_

They've just said goodbye to their contact at the back of the cantina when the bounty hunter appears. His eyes land on Cassian from across the heaving dancefloor, the air heavy with sweat and the floor sticky with the syrupy cocktails everyone is drinking. It's Jyn who recognises him from her old life. Lobo is known throughout most systems for his fearsome size and habit of leaving bodies in his wake, though he is uninterested in her as his gaze locks on Cassian, recognition sparking across his ugly features. Cassian pretends not to have seen him and maintains a practiced air of nonchalance.

Before she can ask him about a plan - not that she would be able to hear herself over the pounding music - Cassian crowds against Jyn, bracketing her with his arm leaning against the wall. His closeness makes something spark in her belly, and she can't suppress the shiver as his hand slides to her hip and his nose nuzzles her cheek. She's thinking they must look like a normal couple, making out in the corner as others are doing, when he whispers in her ear, and before she's processed what he has said he is kissing her roughly and slipping the data chip into her back pocket. She's dazed for a moment. It's not the first time they have kissed, but all the others were gentle things, tentative and afraid, passion only hinted at. She's thought of it happening like this so often since they met, and by the time her senses have come back Cassian has disappeared into the crowd. Her height and the constantly moving throng of dancing humanoids makes it impossible to see him, but she can see the bounty hunter's eyes tracking his movements towards the entrance.

Anger surges in her chest like an emergency flare. Her life was not worth more than his and if that kriffing idiot was sacrificing himself just so she could get away, she would wring his neck herself. "Get this somewhere safe," he had said before his lips had chased all thoughts from her mind.

But she trusts him, and for as much as they are still getting to know each other beyond the adrenaline of suicide missions, she knows he doesn't give up so quickly. This isn't a sacrifice, not yet. They haven't left each other behind so far.

She slips out the back door into the alley, just as the dark sky erupts in cold rain.

 

The mission should have been a simple rendezvous with a reliable informant, on a planet not officially owned by or tied to the Empire. A hand off of a data chip of Imperial security ciphers in exchange for credits the Alliance could barely spare, and worth far more than they had. It was he and Jyn's first mission without a team, now that they were both splitting their time between Intelligence and the Pathfinders as needed by the Alliance. He had even been looking forward to the time together, not that they didn't seem to seek each other out constantly anyway.

It was not meant to end with Cassian, hands cuffed in front of him, being marched through the empty back alleyways at night under the watchful eye of a notorious Corellian bounty hunter after a cat and mouse game through the alleyways. His head and his left knee had taken the butt of the hunter's blaster rifle, and something in his lower back that had been only nagging at him in the two months since Scarif was now screaming at him as he limped. Lobo had a clear half a foot in size on Cassian, and sometimes your luck just runs out.

He shakes his head to clear the rain that was dripping from his hair into his eyes. He trusted Jyn to keep the intel safe, just like he trusted her not to leave him unless she had no choice. If something happened and she was forced to choose between the two, he hoped she would pick the former.

He would die happy, at least, with that one sweet memory of her lips on his to sustain him. He supposed that kissing her hadn't been entirely necessary to the cover, but every day brought new risks and she made him feel reckless. Besides, he had to come up with something quickly and kissing Jyn Erso tended to be in his thoughts at any given time. Fear had caused him to miss other opportunities, leaving them both flustered and awkward with each other.

His clothes are sopping wet and his boots have reached the limit of how much water they can keep out. It had been warm when they landed during the height of the afternoon, both he and Jyn wearing only light jackets. It's unseasonably cold now that the sun has set and he can't see more than ten feet in front of him because of the wall of relentless rain and the water running into his eyes. Lobo prods his back, sending fire along the nerves there. Cassian doesn't speak, but Lobo does, at length, and Cassian learns without asking that he's been identified as Aach, now considered MIA and an Imperial defector. It's something of a relief to know that he hasn't been tied to the Rebellion at first glance. For Jyn's sake he hopes that Lobo intends to bring him to the Imperials and not the other way around. 

The big bounty hunter drones on and his voice merges with the steady rhythm of the rain, and Cassian tunes him out, ears pricking up only when he hears something useful or familiar. Mostly, Lobo just seems to like talking about himself. They're approaching the spaceport when a sudden, bone-crunching thwack stops the bounty hunter from his narration. He stumbles forward, shoving Cassian who spins to see Lobo doubled over and clutching at his knee, and a triumphant, drenched Jyn Erso standing behind him with her truncheons extended.

He does love to watch her fight - a tiny, lethal figure of fury. She is ruthless in her efficiency, all energy directed into where she makes contact with her opponent and her lower centre of gravity allowing her to get up close where she can do the most damage. 

Lobo is a meat-head though, solid as rock where her truncheons meet his limbs and torso, and his height makes it hard for Jyn to reach his face where she could easily break his nose and shatter his skull. 

The bounty hunter gets a lucky shot, the side of his thick hand coming down like an axe on the top of her shoulder. Cassian sees red as Jyn falls to her knees with a sharp cry of pain. He gets low and clutches his hands together, driving his joined fists - and the metal of his cuffs - into the side of Lobo's right knee where Jyn had already weakened him with her first shot, the steel of the cuffs catching the corner of the kneecap. The bigger man stumbles, and in a flash Jyn drives up in an uppercut, one truncheon cracking upwards against his jaw before she swings the other right into his temple trailing rain water in an arc behind it.

He falls, and the blood trickling from his mouth and nose and ear is washed away by the rain as quickly as it appears. His eyes are rolled back into his head, his shoulders twitch as if he's fighting to stay awake.

They drag Lobo's body to an alleyway and strip him of his weapons and credits. 

"I got to the ship and gave the datachip to Kay," she says over the din of the rain, picking the lock of his cuffs without looking him in the eye and he can see tension in her jaw ."He picked up on a 'trooper transport in orbit, so I told him to leave. He'll be back when the coast is clear. He wasn't happy about it." She growls as her rain-soaked fingers struggle to grip the slick metal pins. The hair that's not tied back is slicked to her face, and he wants to taste the rain that drips down over her lips. He leans back against the wall as she works and stretches out his back with a groan. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" She asks, finally looking at him with her brows pinched.

He shakes his head. Even if his back was broken he wouldn't have told her. The possibility of his injuries from Scarif not being fully healed and slowing him down was a point of pride they had argued about before first going back into the field. "No permanent damage. You?"

She rolls her shoulder and stretches out her neck as she works. "Same."

As his cuffs finally pop loose a wave of exhaustion passes over Cassian. Kay leaving was the right thing to do, though he would much rather they were all back on their ship and homeward bound. Jyn - his beautiful, deadly Jyn - would be further from potential danger, and the precious intel they had paid so much for would be closer to where it could be useful. The coldness of the rain has them both shivering, but something warm blooms in his chest because she came back for him - she wouldn't have been the first to abandon him for the greater good. "Let's find somewhere to lay low until K2 comes back."

 

Jyn checks into the guesthouse alone. The planet is densely populated and famous for it's meteor showers in winter, so strangers are to be expected. She puts on a lost tourist act for the old woman at reception, who is painfully sweet and gives Jyn a bundle of spare towels and blankets. Cassian slips up the stairs behind her like a shadow, and if any alert went out for a pair of Rebels the old lady would think nothing of it because she hadn't served a young couple all evening.

Lobo's credits pay for the roof over their heads for the night.

As a result of Jyn checking in alone the room is small for the two of them: one bed against the wall, a fresher the size of a cupboard, and a small table in the corner with a round mosaic lamp.

Jyn leans against the door while Cassian goes straight to the window. He's limping slightly, but she knows better than to push him on it. She's learning him, as he is learning her. Her shoulder throbs, and every inch of her is drenched and dripping onto the carpet. She had been angry at him, not just for putting himself in harms way without giving her the choice to help, but for leaving her. Old habits were hard to break in such a short space of time, and it had been so long - six years - since she had worked with anyone. But here he was, right back by her side as before. Trust goes both ways, she reminded herself - he had been relying on her coming back and hadn't let doubt or mistrust get in the way of his quickly thought up plan. 

When he's satisfied they weren't followed he pulls down the blind, casting the room in black for a moment, before the lamp beside the bed struggles into life; a dull yellow glow that makes the room look warmer than it actually feels. He shrugs out of his jacket, and his shirt is clinging to his skin. Jyn swallows at the sight of his lean body. He's so skinny underneath all his layers, all wiry strength and graceful lines, and she has to force herself to look away and divert her mind along with her gaze. Her own clothes feel like an icy shroud. She sets aside her bundle of towels and blankets and attempts to shrug out of her own jacket. 

Cassian is across the room in a flash when she whimpers in pain as her shoulder protests the movement. 

"You ok?"

She nods as the pain surges with each throb, lessening each time. "Nothing broken, just seized up from where he hit me I think."

"Let me see." His voice is soft, and he puts his hands gently on her shoulders. She isn't used to gentle things. She turns at the press of his hands to stand with her back to him and lets her arms hang as he peels her jacket down slowly. His breath is warm on her neck, and her own shirt is stuck to her skin too - she wonders: is he looking at where the wet fabric clings to her, as she had done with him? Jyn steadies her breath, and tries to think of anything other than his eyes on her skin. But then his fingers graze the side of her neck, pulling gently at her collar to expose her shoulder. She reaches up to undo a button, then another, to give him more access. She thinks about undoing them all. His body is solid at her back and she's not sure why they need to be standing so close but can't bring herself to move away.

It feels more intimate than when she had accepted that she would die in his arms, or when she had curled up at his side in the med-bay after Scarif. The energy between them - the pull into each other's orbit - surges down her spine. Somehow they keep finding themselves in quiet moments, closer than they need to be, with secret smiles. Kisses missed because of interruptions and their own tentativeness.

His fingers are cold against her skin. He presses into the sore muscle, probing and gentle at first. Then his thumb pushes hard into the knot there and Jyn winces but nods for him to continue. The pain and tingling builds with the pressure as he kneads, then releases and she sighs as the knot unravels and the blood flows normally again. 

"Better?" He asks, close to her ear. 

The rain continues outside, hammering on the window, and the wind has picked up causing the glass to rattle.

She turns, and his hands stay on her shoulders and his thumbs stroke gently, one over her shirt and the other over the bare flesh of her shoulder that he exposed. They haven't been fighting this thing between them, instead letting it grow wordlessly. A subject of teasing for the few they consider friends. Jyn doesn't think she is strong enough to stop it, so she's been building herself up to be strong enough to start it. She catches his eyes flicker downwards, to where her shirt is see through from the rain and half her buttons are undone. Warmth sparks in his gaze and his face is open and soft - she's sure she is the only one who gets to see him as Cassian, and not Captain Andor. There is still rain dripping from his hair - she watches as it trickles down his face and her gaze catches on his lips before she watches the water run down his neck, into the hollow where his collarbones meet, and down under his shirt. 

She wants to chase the raindrops with her tongue, follow them down below his shirt.

"Thank you," he says as he dips his forehead to hers and they're breathing the same air, "for coming back." They're both trembling, and Jyn is sure it's nothing to do with the cold. 

There's a knock at the door and they jump apart. The old woman from reception calls out and Jyn glares at the door as if the heat of her stare would send her away. Cassian squeezes her arm and slips into the 'fresher as Jyn opens the door.

By the time the old woman stops talking and leaves Jyn is shivering in earnest despite the steam rising from the soup and hot tea on the tray the woman delivered. Cassian steps out from his hiding spot and Jyn can't help but smile at the ridiculousness of it, thinking that they're creeping around like illicit lovers trying to have a romantic rendezvous instead of spies hiding from an enemy. 

He smiles back at her and she thinks maybe they're a bit of both. 

They take turns in the fresher, stripping down to their underclothes which seem to be the only things not completely soaked through and dry themselves off with the towels, and share the soup and tea while wrapped in blankets. The moment from earlier has passed, and they're back to being tentative with a different kind of intimacy reserved for quiet moments when there's nothing left to do but talk. 

Cassian offers to take the floor, and she tells him the idea is ridiculous. Jyn had lain by his side in the med-bay after Scarif, when he was the only familiar thing she had to cling to as the plans disappeared and reappeared and the Death Star came to Yavin IV. Sharing a bed for the sake of a night's sleep should be easy, after that - though any time she has imagined it since Jedha, she hasn't been thinking about sleep.

They each claim space as their own on the narrow bed. Jyn lies awake for a while, thinking about what would happen if she moved closer to him and took that last step they've both been waiting for. She is very aware of how bare she is, how much of him she had seen when he had unwrapped himself from his shroud of blankets to climb into bed beside her. She thinks, from the rhythm of his breathing, that maybe he's lying awake too.

After a while the exhaustion of the day wins out and she dreams. Her subconscious switches from abstract nonsense to something formed from a solid memory, and the nightmare takes the form of the man in white, as it has so often since she was eight years old. She's at the top of the tower on Scarif, facing him, and Cassian never comes. The man in white laughs as the Death Star strikes, and she is alone when she turns to ashes.

 

Jyn's proximity, the memory of the taste of her lips in the cantina and the way the rain had run down her neck over her collarbones had Cassian's mind and body whirring and sleep evades him. When he finally drifts into sleep the bed shakes with her trembling. Outside the rain is still pounding down relentlessly and it's not enough to drown out her whimpers and heavy breathing. In battle he knows she's more than capable of fending for herself, but the urge to protect her in that moment outweighs any concern that she might lash out and break his nose when she wakes. He turns on the lamp and leans up on an elbow beside her.

Jyn's panting and her forehead is creased, and he would do anything to take her fear away and fight whatever ghost is haunting her. He knows too well that the enemies in your head are the hardest to defeat. Cassian presses his hand on her belly and repeats her name. She wakes with a gasp, eyes wide and searching. He whispers reassurances to her as she clutches at him wildly. One hand ends up fisted into the hair at the back of his head, the other grips his hand on her belly and her fingernails dig into his flesh.

"You're here." She says, her voice laced with disbelief. He drops his forehead to hers and smiles. She tightens her grip.

"I'm here, I've never left. You're safe. Do you remember where we are?"

She nods against him. "You're here... you didn't come back, on Scarif. And then I didn't get out in time."

"But you did get out, and I did come back, and I'm not going anywhere, Jyn, I'm here." He wants to tell her his dreams since Scarif have been similar - he falls, and never stops falling, or he climbs and can never reach her, or they don't make it to the ship in time and she turns to stardust in his arms.

He breathes with her, feeling her belly rise beneath his hand as she tries to match his rhythm. Her breath calms and her grip relaxes. She pulls their hands where they're joined on her belly up to her chest, their fingers twined together between her breasts where they can both feel her heart pound against their hands. "That's always the worst one," she says with a voice rugged from sleep. "Because I end up alone." The vulnerability she's allowing him to see takes his breath away, they've known each other so briefly but he knows he is honoured to be allowed to see through the walls she has built. He would happily let her tear his down, too; she's already halfway there. 

"I know," he says as he presses his lips to her forehead, "I have them too."

"Thank you, for coming back." she says, and her fingers card through his hair. He's very aware of her body against his where she's pressed close to his bare chest and where her naked legs lie along his. Cassian pulls back to look at her and her green eyes glow in the warm light. There's a beautiful flush on her cheeks and the cold from earlier is forgotten because he doesn't think he's ever been warmer. He wants to promise her that he will always come back for her, but he knows he can't control that. There is a glint in her eyes as she pulls him close and kisses him.

They both shiver and she sighs into his mouth when he opens to her. He has dreamed of this since Jedha, and since Scarif has allowed himself to imagine having something he never thought he deserved before now - a future, with her. His slate will never be wiped clean of his crimes but at least now he he understands that what he has fought for is worth it. It's her, it's a future where she will know peace. The cause has a face, a name, a heartbeat alive under his hands.

The skin he uncovers with his lips and tongue and hands is both scarred and soft and warm, and still tastes faintly of rain. Her hands roam over him in kind, trailing over his own scars as she slips her legs between his and grinds against him. Jyn clutches him close when he pushes her tank top up and caresses her breasts with hands and mouth, and arches beautifully into him as if she could give him more of her. If they never do this again, the noises she makes will echo in his memory forever. 

He kisses her belly and nips at her hip bone as he slides her underwear down. Cassian can't think of a time when he has ever wanted something more as the smell and heat of her invades his senses. Her hips rock against him as he mouths along her inner thighs and she gasps his name when he finally tastes her for the first time. Someday, next time if he is lucky enough to have such a chance, he'll take his time and unravel her slowly. Right now he's aching for her and the way she sits up to watch his mouth work and clutches at his hair makes him grind his hips into the mattress. 

He slips two fingers inside her and groans at the wet, warm feel of her and his nerves sizzle right down to his toes. His senses are overloaded and the look of her - eyes closed, cheeks and chest pink, bottom lip between her teeth and head thrown back - almost tips him over. Just as he has her shaking and writhing and he thinks she's about to fall apart completely her hands fist in his hair and she tugs his face up to look at her. 

She's beautiful and smiling down at him, she is everything. Her dark hair is loose around her face and wavy from the rain. There's no sign of the wounded creature pulled from Wobani hiding behind anger and difference, he just sees Jyn laid completely bare for him. "I want you," she says, breathless, meeting his gaze full on and his heart flutters in his chest. "Since Jedha, I've wanted you."

His answering smile splits his face and he kisses his way back up her body, keeping his fingers working inside of her as she licks the taste of herself from his mouth. She's quick to turn tables on him even as her hips roll helplessly against his hand, pushing his shorts down and wrapping her arms around him to pull him down on top of her, her hand slipping between them to take hold of him. Fire runs up his spine at her strokes and he thrusts into her hand and moans into her mouth. He slides his fingers out but keeps stroking her as she lines him up at her entrance, and her smile overwhelms him. He kisses it from her lips as he pushes in to her and they steal each other's breath at the sensation. She was so close to falling over the edge from his mouth and hands that he just hopes he can last long enough to still get her there. 

Jyn's thighs wrap around him and she throws her head back, exposing her pale neck for him to nip and suck. He wants to leave marks, to let the universe know that this untameable, beautiful creature fell apart in his arms. He would happily wear her marks on his own skin if it meant he would be hers always. He loses himself in the warm clutch of her body, drives himself faster, both of them unable to hold back their moans as they compete with the sound of the rain against the window. When her hands claw at him to pull him deeper and her eyes fall back into her head with his name on her lips, he follows her over the edge with his face buried in her neck.

They pant together, bodies trembling, until their breaths even out and the sweat cools on their skin. His arms shake from trying to keep his full weight off her, but she smooths her hands up his back and holds him close. "I'm not good at this, but I want to try." She whispers against his shoulder. 

Cassian puts all of his weight on to one elbow so he can lean up to look at her and brush the sweat-slicked hair from her face. It has been so long since he felt anything approaching joy that he almost doesn't recognise what he's feeling, he just knows it's intense and he doesn't want to give it up. "It won't be easy, with our lives." He says around the lump in his throat. "But if you'll have me, I'm yours."

Jyn's answering smile is blinding.

 

Jyn wakes first, soft light making it's way into the room around the edges of the blinds. There's a chill on her skin where she isn't covered by blankets, but Cassian makes up for it with his warmth where his arm is wrapped around her and his legs are tangled with hers. She aches pleasantly from last night, her bruised shoulder forgotten as she breathes him in where her face is cuddled against his neck.

Fear scratches behind the contentment in her breast and makes her throat constrict. There's still time to run, says Lianna. She could pretend it was a one night thing, a slip up that won't happen again. Close herself off, give him coldness.

But she thinks she might love him; he won her heart with his loyalty and integrity and bravery. Had he been a rebel in Saw's cadre with her back when the dream first meant everything, Jyn knows she wouldn't have stood a chance against falling for him. More than anything, Cassian Andor is a man with a good heart. When you've faced death head on together as they had, she thinks, it's more important than ever to cling to something worth living for. His clever mouth and the stubble of his beard have marked her as his from her neck to her thighs and she finds she doesn't mind this kind of belonging. I'm yours, he had said. She hopes she won't break him with her inexperience. Her fingers trace over his lips, and he smiles against them as his eyes flutter open. Before he can speak she has him on his back, straddling him. 

Jyn has always found that the best way to conquer a fear is to jump in head first, and that actions speak louder than words. His brown eyes widen in surprise before darkening with lust, taking in her body in the daylight and running his thumbs over the crease between her thighs and hips. He is beautiful in the warmth of the sunlight, and she takes a moment to appreciate everything that daylight uncovers. She leans down to kiss him, making sure to rock her hips into his and sighing as his body reacts against her.

A familiar robotic voice chirps on the comm link left on the bedside table.

"Cassian," says K-2SO. "Are you alive?"

Cassian reaches for the comms, his other hand stilling on Jyn's thigh. "Kay, we're fine. Is the coast clear?"

"I'm back in orbit and there is no sign of any Imperial vessel. I suggest meeting at the rendezvous point in one hour."

Jyn pulls back to look down at Cassian, and sees his eyes roam over her again making her shift her hips and run her hands across his chest. 

Once they leave this room, she thinks, they're back on the clock. Captain Andor and Sergeant Erso. Back to a small ship with only benches to sleep on and K2 looming over them followed by communal barracks back at the base, until the next mission. She doubts Cassian can remember the last time he did something entirely for himself, and she can't remember ever feeling as safe or content as she does in that moment and isn't ready for it to end. They have _time_ for once, stretching out before them, if only they dare to take it.

"Kay," she says, taking the comm from Cassian's hand, "We're going to need a few more hours here. We have some new leads that need thorough investigating."

"What?" Squawks the droid, and Cassian shakes with silent laughter beneath her. "Cassian, what leads? What is she talking about?"

"Very important intel has come up, I'll comm you in a few hours Kay. Stay put."

Jyn grins as the comm falls to the floor beside the bed, and Cassian surges up to kiss her. This really wasn't how the mission was supposed to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come find me on tumblr @ohstardustgirl


End file.
